Sonnet 8 | Curriculum Vitae

Author’s Note: This Sonnet was inspired by the list made by painter Agnes Martin, whose own menial, often oddball jobs provided her with the boredom she needed to be creative.

I have worked:

  1. As a salesperson at a crystals shop in a bird park.
  2. As a waitron just once.
  3. As a volunteer dog-walker.
  4. In a cat hospital, at an animal shelter.
  5. Teaching someone the International Phonetic Alphabet.
  6. As an au pair.
  7. As a freelance writer for a doomsday prepper website.
  8. As a volunteer facilitator for special needs kids.
  9. As an on-and-off writer for a local travel company.
  10. In a witch’s costume, promoting a Disney Channel movie.
  11. As kidtrepreneur, selling shitty microwaved candles to my neighbors.
  12. As a gift wrapper in a children’s toy shop.
  13. As a user experience designer.
  14. As a summer intern at the national museum, putting labels on taxidermied animals.

 

Sonnet 7 | The Avoidance of Flossing

  1. The Age of Universal Authorship
  2. The canon of the self.
  3. The simulation of life.
  4. The concept of dread.
  5. The spirit of ennui.
  6. The terror of possibility.
  7. The wordlessness of memory.
  8. The skinniness of affluence.
  9. The 5th of November.
  10. The gorgeous face-pulling of a cappella groups.
  11. The avoidance of flossing.
  12. The bleeding of gums.
  13. The reliability of box wine.
  14. The tonic of my gin.

Sonnet 5 | The events in a single literary day

(Written October 21, 2016)

  1. Lotus-eaters on Instagram.
  2. Ampersands in restaurant names.
  3. Indicators at traffic roundabouts.
  4. The events in a single literary day.
  5. The nostalgia of Christmas beetles.
  6. A touch of Google Translate between friends.
  7. A lock of hair affixed.
  8. Cheap wine & chopsticks
  9. Too much feeling all around.
  10. The scramble to reach higher ground.
  11. A sleeping totem above my head.
  12. Imitators under my bed.
  13. Speaking a far more dangerous dialect.
  14. Say with your mouth what is in your heart.

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Sonnet 4 | the eternity of jellyfish

  1. The ripeness of bacon.
  2. The bloom of drought.
  3. The leisure of an ocean sunfish.
  4. The whimsy of the stock market.
  5. The glamour of swimming pools.
  6. The stelliform of star anise.
  7. The itch of envy.
  8. The touch of distraction.
  9. The squeak of halloumi cheese.
  10. The pageantry of perfume advertisements.
  11. The color of Black Friday.
  12. The dappledness of cellulite.
  13. The eternity of jellyfish.
  14. The virulence of the holidaying public.

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Sonnet 3 | The Weight of Newton’s Gravity.

(Written October 19, 2016)

  1. The logic of doors and locks.
  2. The mindfuckery of keys.
  3. The vainglory of birds.
  4. The sweetness of basil.
  5. The tartness of acetone.
  6. The weight of Newton’s gravity.
  7. The contrivance of Panic! at the Disco.
  8. The consistency of Microsoft Tech Support phone scams.
  9. The flat tummies of ectomorphs.
  10. The vagrancy of socks.
  11. The stickiness of books.
  12. The importance of your thyroid.
  13. The Nobel Prize of Bob Dylan.
  14. The haemorrhage of Donald Trump.

Sonnet 2 | Distort the Truth Like a Pretzel

(Written October 2, 2016)

  1. ‘In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.’ And a crop of many one-eyed agents does not make for two-eyed kings.
  2. The making and staging of victimhood.
  3. I always knew Brangelina was a farce! I was never once taken in by their impossible beauty, humanitarianism and multiracial brood!
  4. Places that sell mature, expensive cheese wheels seem kinda boring inside.
  5. Can I feed that Woodstock sourdough to the ducks, please?
  6. My leather ballet slippers molded to my feet after I washed them. They were so intimate with me.
  7.  I am an amateur at pretty much everything.
  8. Hydroponics is another thing I’m amateur at. Since most people make things in jars a lot these days, like beer, and, well, beer, I decided to grow something that was not so yeasty.
  9. When you Google hydroponics, it becomes pretty clear that you can also grow your weed in there.
  10. I was talking about basil, by the way.
  11. Equivocation, doublespeak, triplespeak, circumspeak. Go on! distort the truth like a pretzel.
  12. Like some Illuminati mess.
  13. And that low, low sarcasm.
  14. Deep breath before the plunge.

Sonnet 1 | Like Dandelion Parachutes

(Written in July, 2016)
  1. Eastern thought wins. Karma’s a bitch or a friend. Keep it good with everyone. Every one holds a piece of you.
  2. Not everyone is a candidate to be your friend. Thank God for that.
  3. Those who were once friends will disappear, like dandelion parachutes. It’s not personal.
  4. Don’t make your words too thick. Keep it simple, brief. People don’t like paying attention to other ideologies for too long. Easily distracted and eager to return to own ruminations.
  5. Mean words often only sound mean in writing.
  6. Confrontation is not the the absolute worst.
  7. Books are getting harder to read.
  8. Frequently mispronounce words. Know what they mean and how to spell them, but evidently never hear them spoken.
  9. Location-based check-ins make sure that no one runs into each other spontaneously anymore.
  10. It’s useful to know where everyone is, so we can make sure we don’t run into them if it’s going to be awkward.
  11. Or that we do run into them if we have something to show off
  12. Why is everyone so terrified of awkwardness?
  13. Why are people chasing Pokémon onto highways and train tracks?
  14. Look up sometimes.